


Birdsong

by Phandabbydosey



Series: Deaf Dan Oneshots [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cochlear Implant, Deaf, Deaf Character, Deaf Culture, Deaf Dan, Deaf/Hearing Relations, Disability, Disabled Character, Disapproving Family, M/M, deaf pride, deaf!dan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 04:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9368804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phandabbydosey/pseuds/Phandabbydosey
Summary: Dan has been deaf since birth and, living in a hearing world, deep down he’s always wanted to be able to hear, wanted to know what it’s like. When he learns about the Cochlear Implant, an amazing device that could give him what he wants, Dan struggles against his proudly deaf family and himself to decide if he should be ‘fixed’ or not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is phandabbydosey if you'd rather read this over there :D
> 
> Beta-ed (and helped a lot) by the lovely gatsbys-old-sport over on tumblr

**1996 ~ 5 years old**

 

All Dan wanted was to hear.

It wasn’t that he was ashamed or embarrassed or anything like that - why should he be, this was who he was - but, being with his friends and seeing their lips moving as they chatted idly during playtime, seeing birds flitting around silently, he couldn’t help but wish things were different.

Dan’s parents and grandparents were all profoundly deaf just like him, so he’d grown up around sign language and was already pretty much fluent. His parents had wanted to send Dan to a school for the deaf, wanted to keep him in the deaf community to which he belonged, but they had been unable to find a good school within reasonable distance.

So Dan’s friends were all hearing and, while a few had made a little effort to grasp the basics of sign, Dan had to rely heavily on his interpreter and sketchy lip reading skills. He struggled through because he’d been taught to never think of his deafness as a handicap, that it made him who he was and he could do anything a hearing person could, it just might take a little more effort.

Sometimes though, Dan wished he wouldn’t have to put in that extra effort. Why did things have to be harder for him that other children? Why couldn’t he be ‘normal’?

Dan had learnt to keep these thoughts to himself, his proud deaf family didn’t like their son thinking that way. Dan understood them, that they didn’t see hearing as a requirement for being ‘normal’, but what he didn’t understand was the way they reacted when he told them he wanted to be able to hear. How … disappointed they’d seemed. Dan just convinced himself it was either because he was too young to understand, or that it was because they knew there was no point wishing for the impossible.

 

——————————————–

 

It was a few months later that Dan realised that maybe he wouldn’t need a miracle to be able to hear. He’d been sitting on the sofa, watching cartoons via subtitles, when he accidentally knocked the remote onto the floor and managing to accidentally change the channel.

Dan would normally just grab the remote and change back to his cartoons as quickly as possible, but his attention was grabbed by the person on screen. They were using sign language.

Dan never usually saw people using sign language on the television, so he was naturally curious. He didn’t recognise a good portion of the signs being used, but he got the jist of what the woman was talking about.

She was talking about how her daughter, who had been deaf, could now hear.

Dan let out an excited noise and jumped off the sofa, running into the kitchen where his father was washing up the dishes and grabbing onto the back of his trousers, tugging excitedly.

‘Come look at the tv,’ Dan signed quickly once he had his dad’s attention, ‘Come look now.’

Dragging his dad by the hand, Dan went back to the living room. He pointed to the tv, a huge grin on his face.

‘She can hear,’ he signed when the little girl came back onto the screen, subtitles rolling past along to bottom to explain what was going on, ‘She was deaf but now she can hear.’

Dan watched his father’s face closely as the older man read through the subtitles, so he saw the frown that slowly etched into the usually soft and happy features.

‘How can she hear again?’ Dan asked after ten minutes, hoping he could have some explanation for the apparent miracle that was playing out on the tv.

‘She’s been given a little machine in her ear that means she can hear,’ Dan’s dad explained slowly, not sure whether it was a good idea to tell Dan about this or not.

He’d been told about the Cochlear Implant when Dan was younger, but had denied it straight away. Dan didn’t need to be ‘fixed’, he was perfectly fine the way he was.

‘Really?’ Dan was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet now, a big toothy smile on his face as he looked up at his father, ‘Does it work for everyone who’s deaf? Could I get one so I can hear? I want to hear!’

‘No Daniel,’ his father signed back sharply, his expression serious and making Dan’s smile slip right of his little face, ‘You’re not getting it because you don’t need it. You’re perfect just the way you are.’

‘But I want to hear daddy!’ Dan replied, tears starting to well up in his eyes, ‘I know there’s nothing wrong with being deaf but I want to hear! All my friends can hear and they all talk without me but I want to talk with them.’

Dan saw his father’s chest rise and fall in a heavy sigh, the tall man kneeling down so he was at eye level with his son, making eye contact for a moment before starting to sign. ‘I understand that you want to speak with your friends, but if you got the special machine, you still wouldn’t be able to talk to them right away. You’d have to have special lessons in how to talk and understand what other people are saying. You’d have to have an operation too, one on your head, and people aren’t even sure if the machine works all the time. Me and mum have already talked about this and we decided we don’t want you to have it. We want you to stay in the deaf community with us, it’s where you belong because being deaf is who you are.’

Dan watched his dad’s hands closely, nodding slowly once they fell still. ‘Wouldn’t things be easier if I could hear though?’ he asked, frowning a little. The world was made for hearing people, so surely it would make sense to try everything to be able to hear.

‘In a way, yes,’ his dad replied, sighing again because he really didn’t know how to explain this all to a five year old, ‘But that doesn’t mean deaf people can’t succeed. Your mother and I both have very good jobs, don’t we? Your grandad worked his whole life. You can do anything you set your mind to Dan, even if you can’t hear. I know it might seem a little strange to you now, but we just want to do what’s best for you and we really don’t think this machine is a good idea. Maybe we can rethink things when you’re a bit older if you still want it, but for now it’s a no. Okay, Bear?’

Dan nodded and giggled at the pet name, quickly hugging his father and thanking him before climbing back up onto the sofa and flicking back to his cartoons.

 

**2004 ~ 13 years old**

 

Dan hadn’t really thought much about the implant after that. He’d still wish he could hear, wished he could join in with the chatter of the classroom or hear the cars that whizzed by him on the way to school, but he managed to quash those feeling whenever they arose.

His grandparents on his mother’s side, the one’s who weren’t deaf, had gotten very angry at his parents when they found out he wasn’t going to be given the cochlear implant. They said his parents were abusive, that they cared about Dan’s deafness over his welfare.

Dan knew they were wrong though. His parents wanted what was best for him, even if Dan himself still didn’t understand their reasoning.

School was tough, even with Dan’s vastly improved lip-reading skills he was still a bit of a social outcast. No one outright hated him, but he didn’t have any friends and he got picked on quite a lot. People would throw insults at him, laughing when Dan continued on oblivious to the horrible words then generally pushing him over or into something. For some reason, it was most entertaining when Dan didn’t know they were there and yelped loudly in fear when a body barrelled into him.

But Dan had a whole support network in the deaf community, made up of family members, friends and neighbours. They’d help pick him back up when the insults started to get to him and helped him whenever he’d fall into the mindset where he started to resent his deafness. It was because of them that he didn’t bring up the implant anymore; if he became hearing, gave in and opted for the implant they all so openly despised, Dan was terrified he’d be shunned out of the community and culture he’d been surrounded by all his life.

 

**2006 ~ 15 years old**

Dan never thought it would happen during his school years, but in year 9, he finally made a proper friend. All his friends from his early years had ditched him once they realised just how little they could actually communicate with him, and since then no one had really wanted to make the effort.

But then Phil came along, Phil who knew sign language because his grandma and uncle were deaf, Phil who realised that Dan was deaf and reached out to him.

The two boy’s quickly became close friends, Dan latching onto one of the few people outside of his family who would actually talk to him, who he could express his interests and opinions to and know they understood him completely. Since he’d grown up with deaf people, Phil wasn’t phased by the need to speak in signs or carefully pronounce words so Dan could lip read. He was used to it and he’d never met someone as interesting as Dan was. He could tell the boy had missed out on just having a friend to talk to and share interests with, and Phil was more than happy to fill that role.

Dan’s parents adored Phil, happy their son had befriended such a lovely boy who was somewhat involved in the deaf community. There had been a moment of tension between Phil and Dan’s parents though, early on in Dan and Phil’s friendship.

Dan had brought Phil around for dinner and, once they’d finished their meal, Dan’s father asked Phil how he came to learn sign language and the conversation strayed into dangerous territory.

‘Oh, my grandmother is deaf and she lives with us, so I’ve always used sign around the house,’ Phil signed, a fond smile on his face, ‘My uncle was deaf too, but he got the cochlear implant and speech therapy, so we don’t really need to use it around him anymore. It was amazing, he was profoundly deaf and now he can hear almost perfectly. He says it’s the best thing he ever did.’

Phil’s signs slowed to a stop when he noticed the look on Dan’s parents faces and the stiffness that became present in Dan’s shoulders. No one said anything though, until Dan quickly excused them and dragged Phil up to his bedroom.

‘I’m so sorry if I said something offensive,’ Phil signed as soon as they were alone, sitting beside Dan on the bed, ‘I wasn’t thinking.’

‘Don’t worry, it’s their fault not yours,’ Dan cut in, explaining when Phil gave him a questioning look, ‘They get a bit … touchy about the cochlear implant. I used to want it when I was about five but they said no. They said that I don’t need to be fixed and that I belong in the deaf community. I still don’t really understand it but they’re just doing what they think is best.’

‘Surely what’s best for you is to be able to hear?’ Phil frowned, getting a shrug in response from Dan.

‘They want me to stay in the deaf community, _I_ want to stay in the community. Pretty much all my family are deaf and they’ve been so supportive while I’ve been growing up.’

‘Just because you can hear, doesn’t mean you’ll have to leave that community. You’ll still be deaf when you turn the implant off and you’ll still have been deaf for fifteen years. Surely they won’t disown you just for getting the implant.’

Dan grimaced, looking down into his lap. ‘They really hate the implant. I don’t know why but they really hate it. My grandparents, the ones who aren’t deaf, they got really angry at my parents when they said they wouldn’t let me get the implant. They said they were abusive. Then my auntie gave her son the implant and now we don’t see any of them. I don’t think my parents would necessarily disown me if I got the implant, but I know they’d be really unhappy.’

‘Well, I’m not going to say what they’re doing is wrong, but I think that maybe you should speak to them about it again. Maybe they’ll listen to you more now that you’re older. The implant really is amazing Dan.’

‘I know, I really wish I could I get it sometimes. I know there’s nothing bad about being deaf and I’m not ashamed of it or anything, I just…I want to be able to hear things. I want to hear the birds and the cars and use the phone. I know I won’t be able to speak to people properly right away, maybe not ever now, but … I just want to hear.’

Once Dan had signed that last sentence, the expression on his face breaking Phil’s heart, Phil threw his arms around the other boy and hugged him tightly. He felt a few drops of wetness on his shoulder and just held Dan tighter, wishing he could do something to help the deaf boy.

 

**2009 ~ 18 years old**

Dan’s parents had denied the implant again, even after a very emotional plea from their son. They said it wasn’t what was best, that he didn’t need it. Dan wanted to argue more but he couldn’t bring himself to, he could tell by the looks on their faces that they really did mean well. They genuinely believed that they were doing what was best for Dan and Dan respected that.

But now Dan was eighteen and he was legally an adult. He could decide for himself if he wanted to have the procedure or not.

He’d moved out of his parents house and was now living in London with Phil. City life could be a bit of struggle with Dan being unable to hear, but they managed. They had a special doorbell and phone installed, Phil made sure to be available as much as possible to translate and they got support from a few deaf organisations when they hit an obstacle they didn’t know how to overcome.

Their friendship had only grown over the years and, while they were on a school trip to Paris in year 12 and were stood at the top of the Eiffel Tower, Phil had decided to ask Dan to be his boyfriend. Dan had squealed and signed out a shaky yes and they could both honestly say they had never been happier. They were in love, simple as that.

Dan still kept in contact with his parents, visiting often and using skype at least once a week, but since he lived a little ways away, he’d sort of slipped from the deaf community. Dan spent most of his time with hearing people and using Phil as an interpreter. His YouTube channel was also taking off and, while he’d built up a strong following of deaf people who loved the fact they had someone to look up to who was just like them, Dan was terrified he’d be left behind because of his handicap.

When his parents told him he could be anything he wanted, he didn’t think they’d

considered that their son would build up a career based around being on camera.

So, after giving it a lot of thought, Dan broached the subject to Phil and suggested looking into getting him the implant. Knowing Dan’s old doubts, Phil questioned him to ensure he was certain about the decision and, after an affirmation from Dan, he offered his complete support.

 

——————————————-

 

His parents hadn’t taken it that well, but it didn’t go as badly as it could have. They repeatedly asked if he was sure he wanted to go through with the procedure, reminding him of all their old arguments. Dan had rebuttals now though, and eventually they gave in and admitted that maybe it would be better for him to hear. They hadn’t spoken to him for a week after that, but they’d slowly accepted their son’s decision and started to act like their usual selves again.

Some of Dan’s other family members weren’t so accepting, about four of them openly calling Dan a traitor and declaring that they would never accept or speak to him again. It hit Dan hard, but Phil was there to hold him through it and keep him from going back on his decision. Dan didn’t hate them in the slightest, he knew they were proud of their deafness and saw him choosing to change that in the same way some people would see someone changing their skin colour. The understanding didn’t make it hurt any less though.

Dan stuck with his choice though and it had been a few months since he’d had the implants installed. He had a shaved patch on either side of his head - something he’d been complaining about so much that Phil had threatened to shave the rest of his hair off on multiple occasions - and everything had finally healed up enough for the outer elements to be fitted and turned on.

His leg bounced nervously as he and Phil sat in the waiting room, the other boy holding him by the arm wrapped around his waist to try and settle him down.

‘You’re going to finally hear my voice today sweetheart,’ Phil signed, hoping to distract Dan and stop the incessant tapping of his foot. He could see other people getting irritated, ‘And your own.’

‘I know,’ Dan replied, biting his lip, ‘I’m excited but … I don’t know why, but I’m nervous. What if it doesn’t work properly?’

‘The chances of it not working are microscopic, the audiologist already explained that to you.’

‘I know, I just can’t help worrying.’

Phil smiled and leaned over to kiss Dan’s cheek, holding him close until a nurse came out and called Dan’s name, leading the two boys into a small office and directing them where to sit.

A woman walked in a few moments later, smiling warmly at Dan and checking something on her computer before getting to work.

She looked over the stitches in Dan’s head then started to fit the outer components of the device, fiddling with it for a moment and making sure it was comfortable before turning it on.

It took a little bit of adjusting, but it was obvious when it working properly because Dan visibly jumped and his eyes widened almost comically. Phil laughed quietly at the expression, tapping Dan’s knee to get his attention.

“Hello Dan,” he said out loud, signing so Dan would know what he was saying, “Can you hear me?”

‘I can hear, Phil I can hear your voice,’ Dan signed rapidly, a huge smile on his face and little noises slipping from his lips due to his excitement, ‘I can hear you.’

“I love you,” Phil said, watching Dan’s smile somehow get even bigger when he saw the signs. He just heard Phil say he loved him. He heard it.

“Llooov ooo,” Dan said, trying his hardest to copy Phil’s mouth movements. He knew it sounded nothing like actual words, but the proud shine in Phil’s eyes told him it was enough.

The audiologist tested the implant, declaring it was working perfectly, then went through how to look after it properly and organised Dan’s speech therapy before letting the boy’s go, Dan practically bounded out of the room, his head spinning back and forth as he heard all the sounds of clinic for the first time.

He and Phil had taken a taxi to the clinic because Dan wanted to walk home, it was a long way but he didn’t regret it in the slightest. His whole face was alight with joy as they walked along, Phil explaining to him what each and every sound was as Dan heard them.

Phil knew it was going to hard for Dan to adjust to hearing, but the pure euphoria on his face was worth any amount of speech therapy and misformed words.

Dan wasn’t thinking about anything other than the present, his brown eyes huge as he took in the world in this whole new way. He never even thought he’d get this experience and he was trying to absorb everything, cataloguing as many sounds as he could along with what he thought of them.

He thought the sound of the building site was a bit harsh and he liked the sweetness of the birdsongs and the laughing children that flew past them on the pavement, but his favourite sound by far was still Phil’s voice. Especially Phil’s voice when he told him he loved him.

 


End file.
